Illusionary images of what I have yet to be

To be kind...
To be loved...
To truly love those that love you...
To be strong minded and to be successful in the things that you want...
To be genuine and true to yourslef and to those that are honest to you...
These qualities are things that I have tried to aquire...or have I?
The questions that I am asked...The trials that I am faced with...
only leave me speachless with more unanswerd questions,
The blood which is now rotten that I have shed to become something that I am not has been left in vain...
Do I still try?
Is there even enough lust within me to continue for these things?
In the end...within such a world filled with everything that it is...
Is it even worth it?

Axel/nathaniel jordan patrik wills

Stab me in the chest and cry with me as I bleed...never died a death so painful.

Time is running out...May the vibrations from my hellish screams shatter your ice cold heart...The flames that have engulfed my heart are darker then the shadows of satan...black, darker then jet...My darkness is blinding and your those words which are coverd in lies that I am being constantly told day after day are beginning to eat into me!, love... ^^

My poem...

Within these broken walls im dieing,
My soul bleeds through the tears im crying,
The echos from my calls never end and still remain unheard of,
My anger is left without enthusiasim and is caged up inside of me,
Through my expressionless voice I try to show my life span,
My life time and my current feelings,
My words still waiting to become purified by your presence,
Your appearance was only an unreachable hillusination,
Those cold words you say within text are words I can only dream to hear you say,
In real time its others who you play with and not me,
But to play with me, you mean to play with my heart...my feelings, my sanity,
Drowned by my sadness and sorrows is what I have become,
You, my destroyer is the only one that has the capability of saving me,
Oh how your smile can be so intoxicating and yet so pure,
The raidient light that your image gives of is heavenly but yet so tainted,
My vainess is only callings for attention and aknowledgement,
Modest is what I am not,
Bold is my opposite,
If that is so then what am I?
I am lost, in search of guidance,
You fail to understand and receive what I send, so in the end whats twisted is the way you perceive for what you retreive is something other then what I am,
My intentions are pure, but your essence leaves me confused,
Mezmorised by your beauty is what I am,
But the depths of hatrid that I have towards you is unexplainable, whilst being unmatchable,
For that hatrid does not exist, but only exsists within my love for you,
IM NOT A FAKE, IM NOT A POSER, I AM ME, WHEN WILL YOU UNDERSTAND THAT!?
I GO OUT OF MY WAY FOR YOU!
YOUR ATTENTION IS WHAT I SEEK,
For nothing else matters to me...

Stab me in the chest and cry with me as I bleed... never died a death so painful...

Nathaniel/Axel, Jordan, Patrik, Wills, Shadowraver.

Shadowraver's Journals

Illusionary images of what I have yet to be

Stab me in the chest and cry with me as I bleed...never died a death so painful.